


our glass hearts breaking

by flatsound



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: AU, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 08:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flatsound/pseuds/flatsound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke loves after-sex talks with Ashton. Except for when Ashton brings up certain subjects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	our glass hearts breaking

**Author's Note:**

> this is about self harm so, beware. title from the of mice & men song, "glass hearts". also, this is only fanfic and i don't really ship them romantically blah blah

Typically, Luke loves after sex talks with Ashton.

It’s the middle of the night and the only light is from the moon so all Luke can see in Ashton’s silhouette in the dark room.

The two of them are lying side by side in Ashton’s bed, naked. Luke can hear Ashton’s roomates, Louis and Zayn, arguing about something. It is the middle of the night, but it’s the weekend and Luke is convinced that college students never sleep.

He can’t make out any words of what the two boys are yelling about a few doors down, all he hears is his own heart beating, beating for Ashton maybe. It beating so hard and loud that Louis and Zayn in the living room probably think they’re fucking.

Ashton pulls his closer and closer, wrapping his arms around him and for a moment, everything is okay. Only for a moment.

Luke loves night times talks with Ashton unless they are about a certain subject.

Luke generally likes talking about Ashton about everything and anything on his mind. That’s a rare thing since Luke is a pretty shy guy. The only people he can talk to the way he’s talks to Ashton is Calum and Michael and they have been his best friends for over ten years.

And even so, Luke can tell Ashton things he’d never tell them.

The two of them can, and do, talk about everything and anything. They talk about little things like what they want for breakfast the next morning, and sometimes, they explore the deepest corners of each other's minds.

It’s too dark for Ashton to see Luke’s scars so he must be thinking about it or something when he says, “I feel like you’re not even trying.”

“What are you talking about?” Luke asks, having no idea what Ashton is referring to. The first thought that comes to Luke’s mind is the relationship. Because Luke is trying, he honestly is. He thought that Ashton realized that, but apparently not.

“This,” Ashton says picking up Luke’s wrist, “You’re not trying to stop. You’re not trying to get better. You’re, like, okay with the fact that you’re hurting yourself.”

And this is what Luke hates. When Ashton brings up Luke’s nasty habits. Yes, Ashton is more or less Luke’s boyfriend, but this is personal. This is between Luke's brain and Luke's body.

“Shut up,” Luke snapped, he didn’t mean to though, “Why are are you always bringing this up when you know I hate it?”

Ashton brought this topic up a lot more than Luke liked. A lot more than what was necessary.

“Because I’m fucking worried about you, Luke. Is that so hard to understand?”

Luke wants to say yes; yes, it’s so fucking hard to understand that anyone on earth would care about Luke. Especially that that anyone is someone as flawless as Ashton. He doesn’t understand it, can’t understand it. He can’t tell Ashton that though. He can’t tell Ashton that he spends half the time wondering why Ashton would want to be with Luke and half the time wondering when Ashton is going to come to his senses and leave Luke.

“I am trying, Ashton. You don’t know what goes on in my head, I’m trying really fucking hard.” The last part comes out a lot louder than Luke meant it to be.

“Because you never tell me what’s going on in your head, Luke! You never tell me when you’re happy or upset. Every time you leave I have to worry whether you’re going to slit your wrist or play video games.” Ashton said as he got out of the bed, leaving Luke. A moment later the light is switched on and Luke suddenly feels very, very small and vulnerable.

Luke swallowed, sitting up, he didn’t like the idea of Ashton worrying about him so much. Except maybe he does.

“I’m upset,” Luke said, “I’m upset. You’re making me upset.”

As he said that, Luke avoids Ashton’s eyes and Ashton entirely.

“I’m not trying to make you upset,” Ashton defends himself, “I’m trying to help you!”

“I don’t need help!” Luke yells. He’s sure the entire house heard him. The walls here are too thin for everyone’s liking.

He repeats it, quieter this time, “I don’t need help.”

Ashton snorts, actually snorts, “Yes, Luke, you do.”

There’s a moment of silence before Ashton adds, a little gentler this time, “Maybe you should tell your parents.”

Luke isn’t sure if Ashton is talking about the self-harm or being gay (or whatever sexuaity he is) in general, but replies, “I’d rather fucking kill myself.” because that applies to both anyway.

Ash’s jaw drops but he says nothing.

“Oh,” Luke says, after realizing what he said, “I didn’t mean that.”

Ashton doesn’t say anything for a moment, just sits crawls back into the bed with Luke.

“Don’t ever say that again, Luke. Don’t ever think like that again,” Ash says, as he wraps his arms around him tightly.

“I didn’t mean that. I wouldn’t ever try to do that. You know that” but as Luke says that, he wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Ashton sighs.

“The exact thing that you were doing before you met me,” Luke replies honestly.

“Things are different now,” Ashton mutters into Luke’s neck, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Luke replies quickly, “I am trying though. I really am.”

“I believe you. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not used to having people care about me, not the way you do.”

“Don’t be stupid Lukey. A ton of people care about you. Your friends, your mom, your dad, the rest of your family, even my friends love you.”

“It’s different though.”

“How many days has it been since you cut Luke?” Ashton asks, a little suddenly.

Luke shrugs.

“How many days?” Ashton insists.

“Two,” Luke says with embarrassment.

Ashton reaches over and starts digging in a drawer. After a moment, he pulls out a black sharpie. He writes the number two on Luke’s hand.

Ashton throws the marker onto the floor and says, “Do you want to cuddle or fuck?”

**Author's Note:**

> be my friend:
> 
> [tumblr](http://heaveinhiding.tumblr.com) & [twitter ](http://twitter.com/frozenforyou)


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